I've noticed that people aren't blogging nearly as much as they used to. It seems like at least 20 people on my blog roll haven't blogged in over a year. So that just leaves us old faithfuls in the blogging world. I guess I'm an old faithful. Although I'm not the best either. I've been known to abandon my blog for a while in the past. But I always come back and I never leave for too long.
Why I blog. Its a great way to journal. It helps me remember what happened and when. When did we go on that trip? When did we get rid of our big blue bomb? That kind of stuff. I know, kinda boring for others. It also helps grandma Judy and other California family members stay updated since we don't get to see them enough. I appreciate when people are open on their blogs. It's refreshing. I feel like people in general have become less connected in a way, but I appreciate how one can be quite personal through blogging and you can connect with others this way. And others can connect with you. Lately I've been reading a couple different blogs, two of which are sharing their stories and very personal details of dealing with different trials in their lives. I'm a total lurker and I haven't even met them but I appreciate reading their stories and admire their courage. I'm not going through or haven't gone through those things that they have/are but somehow I relate because I've realized that we all go through different trials but many times we feel the same pain. This is a total sidenote, but as I went through infertility, I realized SO MANY things. One thing I didn't learn until pretty recently, but wished I'd learned sooner, that when experiencing infertility you literally go through the mourning process to a certain degree. It's probably not as painful of a mourning process as it is when you actually lose someone close in your life, but a mourning process nonetheless. Anyway, learning that validated all the feelings, all the ups and downs, all the anger, sadness, and disbelief that I experienced those 6 1/2 years. Now what was I blabbing about? Oh yeah, being grateful that people put themselves out there for all of us to see. I also love reading others blogs and being able to experience their artistry, creativity, cleverness, humor, etc. Whatever it is they have to offer that day. One other sidenote. I feel I must explain my music on my blog. I know, I know, music on blogs can be annoying. When others have music on their blogs I usually immediately turn it off and get a little annoyed when I can't find it easily. Please note that I have deliberately placed my music at the top of my blog for easy access so one can immediately turn it off. Something you must know about me is that I love music. I think I've explained this before. If there is a song I like, I must listen to it over and over until I'm literally sick of it. I know, it's crazy. If I don't have it I must get my hands on it. Because I must. listen. to. that. song. A family trait, I've realized. That's where my blog music comes in handy. It's a free download. I get to listen to my favorite song of the moment for free. Its a win, win (for me, at least). So just know that I've probably listened to each one of my blog songs over and over and over again. And loved every minute of it. Get it? Got it? Good.
Something else I've been thinking about lately that makes me feel grateful, are my ancestors. I've been reading a book about my great great grandfather and great great grandmother. They are seriously amazing people. If only I were as faithful and hard working as they were. Mary, my great, great grandmother, traveled all alone all the way from Switzerland to New York City at the age of 18. She was trying to get to "Zion" with the rest of the Saints. Didn't have enough money to get there once she got to NYC. So she found a job, stayed there a year and left as soon as she had enough money. All because she wanted to live her religion with fellow members of the church. I just think that's so courageous. She also spent a night in jail because she was telling everyone she could about the church. This is when she was in Germany working and in Germany at that time it was against the law to preach mormonism. In the middle of the night a German officer came and got her and took her to jail. On the way to the police station/jail she asked the officer all about the judge that would be seeing her the next day. Apparently he wasn't a very good man. She spent the night writing the judge a letter and started her letter out by saying that she didn't think his wife and children would appreciate knowing what he's been up to. She then proceeded to tell him all about the gospel and share her testimony (which was against the law, mind you). The next day the judge got her letter and she was released from jail. What a cool woman! I just feel grateful for those early members of my family who joined the church, who lived the gospel, and who passed it on to their kids. I'm grateful for my great grandparents who passed the gospel onto my grandparents who then passed it onto my parents who then passed it onto me. And now I'm passing it on to my children. It just goes to show that the decisions we make in our lives will not only affect our lives but will affect generations. For good or for bad. And I'm so grateful that my ancestors chose to pass the gospel down to me. It brings me such joy and perspective.
I've mentioned in the past that my mom has cancer. Last fall, after her treatments they couldn't find any more signs of cancer which was a relief and very exciting. But I knew there was always a good chance it would come back. In January my mom went in for testing and there were signs the cancer had come back. Upon more testing, we found out in March that they found a tumor in her liver and the Dr gave her a certain amount of time to live. That was definitely hard to hear. That week was especially hard as I had to process the fact that she wouldn't always be around and that she might leave us sooner than I wanted her to go. Through this whole process the last few years I've always been really hopeful that everything would turn out ok and she would be ok, but when I found out it had gone into her liver, that was the first time I really mourned the possible loss of my mom. Right now she's doing really well. She doesn't seem sick at all. If you saw her you wouldn't even guess she's got cancer. She's up and about and as busy as ever. She had a procedure done where they burned the tumor. It came back in her liver again and they burned it again. And now we just hold on and wait and see what the next test results say. It wasn't great news that it came back the second time in her liver, but the good news is that there was only one tumor and it didn't spread to any of her other organs. Not even in the colon which is where the cancer originated.
This is another sidenote, but kind of exciting, at least for me. You may or may not know that I am a nail biter. I love to bite my nails. So sue me. I've done it for probably about 30 years. It's a HORRIBLE habit. My parents used to put this gross tasting stuff on my nails to get me to stop. Didn't work. I'd just bite them anyway. Gross taste and all. I've tried to stop biting them in the past by growing them out. Didn't work. The more nail I saw the more I'd want to bite them. Too tempting. So, on that note, I've stopped biting them for good this time. It's been 3 weeks and I haven't bitten a nail. I guess you could say I'm a recovering nail biter. My main motivation is my teeth. Because I've bitten them so much throughout the years it's worn down a couple of my teeth. One in particular that needs to be capped. They cap it, I continue biting and wear the cap down. Then they have to recap it. Its ridic. This time around I'm just keeping them short. I file them down most days so I'm not tempted. So far so good. Yay for me!
Hah...done. (deep breath). I think I've spilled most my beans for now. There's more I can talk about. There's always more to talk about, but I'll stop for now. And if anyone actually took the time to read this whole post, I greatly admire you!
2 comments:
i trooped through it. i loved it.
hi, my name is tiffany and i am a nail-biter.
you're not alone.
Loved this post. So random and so fantastic. As a fellow nail biter I am impressed with you efforts. One day I'll give it a try.... maybe. :) Thanks also for sharing about your mom and your feelings about infertility. These are things that some of us really need to hear. :)
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