This Too Shall Pass

When Ethan was about 4 months old we took him to an eye specialist because his eyes were acting a bit funky. His eyes were & are fine but I still remember what the doctor said to me, "This Too Shall Pass." It stuck with me and ever since I've adopted that saying into my life.

A few days ago I was writing everything that's happened with Gavin's birth and placement in my journal. I then started reading back in my old journal entries. Admittedly, many of my entries were about my struggles with infertility. It feels so good to be able to look back on that 6 1/2 years and realize that that chapter (a very long chapter, mind you) of my life has finally passed. Sometimes I wondered if we'd ever have a 2nd child and here he is, so adorably sleeping and grunting in his vibrating chair as I write this. I feel a sense of 'Wow, I can't believe that chapter of my life is finally over.' Sometimes I wish I could have been stronger and more faithful through that trial. Don't get me wrong, I did have some moments of clarity when I felt strong and faithful and felt the hand and encouragement of the Lord in my life, but I also had MANY moments of discouragement and hopelessness, which sometimes outweighed those great moments of clarity.

As I read in my journal there were a couple of impressions I had received throughout the years that I had completely forgotten about. Now that I'm able to look back on the experience I can see them more clearly as real answers to my prayers. As I was reading a book about adoption, I felt a distinct impression that my son was telling me that he was coming. At the time I didn't know if it was an impression or just a thought. But when I read about it recently, it hit me because at the time I wrote that, I thought our next child would be a girl. But amidst those thoughts of having a girl, I got the impression of a little boy. During the whole adoption/getting pregnant process I prayed a lot to know what to do next. I always felt I needed to do something in order to reach my goal of having a child. As an answer to that prayer I remember getting the impression more than once that I just needed to wait and be patient. There were many times I was discouraged and felt Heavenly Father didn't answer my prayer, but He did, I just didn't want to listen to His answer. I was tired of waiting. Another strong impression I got was when that first adoption fell through, Chad and I both felt very strongly that something good was going to happen soon, and it did. Five months after that adoption fell through, Gavin's birthmother started contacting us.

I've known that the hand of the Lord has been a part of Gavin's placement with us. I know the birthmother was led to us and we're meant to be his parents. But as I read my journal entries it all came together and I could finally see the whole picture. Heavenly Father's hand was in my life years before Gavin was even born. He gave me these experiences and impressions that helped me through and eventually led me to become Gavin's mom.